post bedtime thoughts.
Laying in bed trying to sleep I couldn't help but notice my heart beating in my chest. It surprised me when I first focused on it, the first time in a few days the rythmic two cycle in out bump duh wasn't associated with a pain in the weird spot in my head between head, brain, and boogers. Makes sense that I couldn't let go of my consciousness and drift to sleep, instead choosing to hyper fixate on shit I've already moved on from. Years old gripes, traumas, and missteps reminding me this reality has ample opportunities to break new ways once I build my time machine and try to remedy them. I think about situations where I refused to advocate for my own sovereignty to resolve my own problems in fear of multiplying them. Now jump to when I gave up at literal and non literal finish lines out of self pity. These thoughts inevitably slip to situations I was the victim of cruelty, ignoring any cross examination of when I was cruel. Jumping from old episode to old...