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post bedtime thoughts.

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Laying in bed trying to sleep I couldn't help but notice my heart beating in my chest. It surprised me when I first focused on it, the first time in a few days the rythmic two cycle in out bump duh wasn't associated with a pain in the weird spot in my head between head, brain, and boogers.  Makes sense that I couldn't let go of my consciousness and drift to sleep, instead choosing to hyper fixate on shit I've already moved on from. Years old gripes, traumas, and missteps reminding me this reality has ample opportunities to break new ways once I build my time machine and try to remedy them. I think about situations where I refused to advocate for my own sovereignty to resolve my own problems in fear of multiplying them. Now jump to when I gave up at literal and non literal finish lines out of self pity. These thoughts inevitably slip to situations I was the victim of cruelty, ignoring any cross examination of when I was cruel.  Jumping from old episode to old...
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NECTR 2025

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 I've posted about NECTR before. This was my introduction to the Burning Man community. A small, intimate burn on a pig farm located in the middle of nowhere-near UCONN in October right as it starts getting really cold. My first year I didn't know what to expect and jumped in feet first willing to be a participant and not a spectator. 6 years later I got to help build and document the Effigy. Another one of Tommy's designs and builds, this time he had help. Skilled carpenters Diego and Jeremy handled the majority of the difficult work, while Laura, Talia, Heather, Bobbin, and myself helped where we could. Weird Jimmy got involved and built the flame poofer which we promptly shoved up Sparky's Stink-hole. Laura and I brought additional art work but took literally no photos of it, and then brought back the semi-famous Hotdog Party on saturday afternoon. Anyway heres a video.
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Bees

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Lamentation

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  The vibe was immaculate. 
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Squanchy and Sir Chloe

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Block Island 2025

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  Block Island 2025. Laura and I took the ferry over with our Ebikes and got a room over on Paynes Lookout near New Harbor. Going to the lighthouse yielded some footage of sun bating seals and some territorial rage-shitting seagulls. The island fortunately doesn't have laws outlawing the flying of a camera so I was able to get some footage of the more iconic spots. 
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Flower Tower

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  This was the first outing I had camping with Tommy. He was commissioned to create the towering bouquet of flowers for the 12th Disorient Country Club held in the Catskill mountains in 2024. A fundraiser for the Disorient theme camp of Burning Man, a few hundred artists accent into the mountains and create a memorial day weekend camping experience centered around a bonfire created by Tommy. At the time this was my first time camping after my kidney donation so it mostly involved me sitting around talking shit while shoving a camera in his face. He kept his head down and showed me his work ethic, building a vast majority of the vase and flowers alone, allowing contributors to assist but rarely asking for help. We camped under the name 'The Moist Collective"
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